ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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