He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
