I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
