real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
