You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
