i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
