He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
