kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize