shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
