Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
