nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
