there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I touched a dick in church today
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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