Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
