There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
