Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
