We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
