cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
