I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
