she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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