So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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