Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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