Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
