here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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