I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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