walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I need to sanitize my soul.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
