Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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