Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
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