Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
