Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You ate ashes out of my bong
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize