I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
