tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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