i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
