and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
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