I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
