cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
