I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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