I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
