An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
