Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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