that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
