just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
