what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
