its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
My bed smells like the plague
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