The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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