He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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