Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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