Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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