did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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