you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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