So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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