Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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