mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
