it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
