what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
this is an emotional support booty call
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize