Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
