it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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