At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You took a bar mat shot.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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