I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
