dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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