He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
wow bdsm is so cute
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
