Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
