then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
