im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
