you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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