I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
