Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
