so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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