they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
