dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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