I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
