Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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