Capitaan dildo arrescate!
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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