I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
